Black Men on Notice: No Degree = No Play

 “Women moving up still strive to marry up. Men moving up still tend to marry down. The two sexes' going in opposite directions has led to an epidemic of professional women missing out on husbands and kids.” This quote is from a New York Times article by Maureen Dowd entitled “What’s a modern girl to do?”

A recent conversation has peeked my interest in both me and others and the standards surrounding finding a mate. Let me set the scene for you, I was at a gathering with friends and a young man was seemingly interested in getting to know me better.  He was a fairly decent looking individual, did not have any children, and able to speak with subject-verb agreement. As we were talking he acknowledged he had to leave in order to get up early for work the next day. As the wheels in my head started to turn, I realized that even though we had a great time hanging out, him getting to know me better was probably never going to happen. When he said, “I have to go to work tomorrow”, and I noticed the next day was a Saturday I became turned off.  It was a Friday evening and unless you have a special project most professional men do not have to work on Saturday.  I am aware that some professions require that you work on the weekend but when he revealed his profession it was simply just a job.  Unless there is some special project at work, most professional individuals make a choice to go and work on the weekends.  If he would have said something to the effect that, “I need to go into work to catch up on a few things” then I would have felt that he had more than just a job but a career, immediately I begin to look at him differently.

I am an African American female, hold two degrees, no children, a Christian, have my own place, my own car, and have all the qualities that would make for a wonderful wife. One of my mottos is, “meet me where I am”.  This is true to some extent, out of all the qualities I possess the only attribute I will waver on is the second degree. In order to marry someone he has to be college educated. I understand that this may come as a shock to some and offensive to others but my husband has to hold a degree from a college or university. I am not asking him to have any more than I have, although I desired to acquire a second degree for professional, personal, and financial growth I recognize that some individuals desire to only to acquire one degree.

I am at the point in my life where everything is a bill. I remember growing up my parents would continuously warn me not to make more “bills” for them.  Breaking, scratching, denting, or chipping something were all considered “bills”. A man without a degree is equivalent to a bill for me.  I understand that numerous millionaires have acquired wealth without a college degree but how often does that occur. Many people that do not have a college education may have been blessed with a job that pays more than I do, but my desire is still to have a college-degreed spouse.

Those of us who have attended an institution of higher learning understand that the degree is only a small part of the collegiate experience.  Skills such as time, organization, and money management, human relations, and communication are just a few of the soft skills you learn. One must realize that “college life is invaluable, the friends you make, the successes you achieve, the failures you learn from, and the lessons you acquire through the passage of time will stay with you always as you move on and grow up”. These character building qualities all can be summed up in one word “struggle”.  Remember the late night cram sessions, midterms, finals, sporting events (even if you school football or basketball team was terrible) and those all important parties – ice breakers, step shows, student union, dorms, and “the yard”.  I want to be able to relate with my husband on that matter.

What I am saying is that a degree gives you an advantage, especially in an economy that is calling for more qualified individuals.  When I speak to my friends with degrees they totally agree and understand my view on this, it is the people who do not hold a degree that seems to get offended. I have been called a gold digger and a snob/”stuck up” by fellow African Americans because of my viewpoint.  Most of the people that disagree always says this famous line, “it is just a piece of paper”.  All the blood, sweat, and tears that went into those degrees and to have someone call it a “piece of paper” is highly offensive and insulting.

I have been blessed that through my degrees to obtain access to a world that I would have otherwise not had the opportunity. The key to most success is education and that very key opens the door to endless possibilities for both me and my husband. 

References:

Clerici, M. (2008). Life Lessons From a College Student. Retrieved on November 14, 2008, from http://www.emmitsburg.net/archive_list/articles/thoughtful/misc/life_lessons.htm

I Want to Marry Someone My Equal. (2008). Retrieved on November 14, 2008, from http://qqlibrarian.blogspot.com/2005/10/i-want-to-marry-someone-my-equal.html