Love Letters: REAL Recognize REAL -What REAL Men Want in REAL Women

What qualities do we as Black people, both men and women, want to see in each other? It is a question that we struggle with everyday. We need to repair our relationships but to do that we need to know what we want in another mate. I don’t pretend to speak for every man, but I was listening to a song that I think summarizes what REAL men want in their REAL women.

But before I get to the song about REAL women, I want to talk about REAL men. When I say REAL men, what do I mean?  Well, I have compiled a list (that is by no means exhaustive) that I think characterizes what a REAL man is. It is as follows:

1.       A REAL man is in touch with his emotions- He understands (as Cornel West states) intimacy and vulnerability. He has to be willing, above all, to give of himself fully. If not, then he cannot love a woman fully because of his fear of “falling on his face” or being made a fool of. A REAL man will not let his insecurities prevent him from loving a woman with all of his spirit because he understands that to receive fully, you must give fully.

2.       A Real man is responsible and perseveres through the madness – If your man is complaining all the time about “the man” or is always making excuses then he probably is not a REAL man. REAL men understand that it’s hard and that the system is “rigged” but they push on anyway and rarely make excuses.

3.       A REAL man does NOT try to control you- REAL men are secure in themselves and do not need to control your life or force you to be a stay-at-home mom. Real men want you to be happy just as much, if not more, than they want their own happiness.

So what does the song say about what men want? The song that I have in mind is Musiq’s Someone. The lyrics from the song says it all. Pay special attention to Verse # 2.

Someone:

Verse #1

I never wanted, a woman that wanted

Me for my name or material things, see

I always hoped for a woman that’s so sure

Emotionally secure with spiritual faith

A woman that I can trust with all of my secrets

And even listen to all of my issues

A woman who never judge me on how I was

She deals with me strictly thought love

Chorus 

                Someone who will put up with the things, loving me can bring

And still be there to see us through

Someone who would put up with the strange and complicated things

Cause I would do the same for her too

Someone who I can be real with, aint gotta be perfect

Cause loving one another is all that matters

It’s not hard to explain, so believe me when I say

That I’ve found all of that in you

Verse #2

All that I hoped for, a friendship that’s so pure

A girl I can talk to bout whatever’s on my heart

A woman that needs me, that trusts and believes me

That won’t take my kindness as some kind of weakness

A woman who bears her soul, who’s willing to let go

That wants me to lead her but knows how to take control

And when I’m feeling down ‘cause things are going wrong

She builds me up, make me feel strong

Chorus

Verse #3

You are that someone who loves me through all my imperfections

You know my heart is filled with nothing but good intentions

You are the one that told me long as we got us, nothing matters

You are the one that sees the joy through the pain

You are my light through the rain, here and now

Girl I am saying, it’s you, you’re my heart, it’s you

You’re that someone I can truly say that I’ll never find another love like you

What are your thoughts? You can also leave comments on my profile page. Love is a beautiful thing!!!