Kissing your lips ignites this eternal fire within me

Our tongues tasting each other

Our hands massaging each other’s body

Every touch brings me closer to removing my clothes

Your hands palm my plump behind

And when your lips begin to explore my neck

 Walking thru the park

Hand in hand

Smiling uncontrollably

Because I’m so full

Just the touch of your skin

Rubbing against my body

Sends chills thru me

Because I’m so full

What qualities do we as Black people, both men and women, want to see in each other? It is a question that we struggle with everyday. We need to repair our relationships but to do that we need to know what we want in another mate. I don’t pretend to speak for every man, but I was listening to a song that I think summarizes what REAL men want in their REAL women.

But before I get to the song about REAL women, I want to talk about REAL men. When I say REAL men, what do I mean?  Well, I have compiled a list (that is by no means exhaustive) that I think characterizes what a REAL man is. It is as follows:

1.       A REAL man is in touch with his emotions- He understands (as Cornel West states) intimacy and vulnerability. He has to be willing, above all, to give of himself fully. If not, then he cannot love a woman fully because of his fear of “falling on his face” or being made a fool of. A REAL man will not let his insecurities prevent him from loving a woman with all of his spirit because he understands that to receive fully, you must give fully.

2.       A Real man is responsible and perseveres through the madness – If your man is complaining all the time about “the man” or is always making excuses then he probably is not a REAL man. REAL men understand that it’s hard and that the system is “rigged” but they push on anyway and rarely make excuses.

 “Women moving up still strive to marry up. Men moving up still tend to marry down. The two sexes' going in opposite directions has led to an epidemic of professional women missing out on husbands and kids.” This quote is from a New York Times article by Maureen Dowd entitled “What’s a modern girl to do?”

A recent conversation has peeked my interest in both me and others and the standards surrounding finding a mate. Let me set the scene for you, I was at a gathering with friends and a young man was seemingly interested in getting to know me better.  He was a fairly decent looking individual, did not have any children, and able to speak with subject-verb agreement. As we were talking he acknowledged he had to leave in order to get up early for work the next day. As the wheels in my head started to turn, I realized that even though we had a great time hanging out, him getting to know me better was probably never going to happen. When he said, “I have to go to work tomorrow”, and I noticed the next day was a Saturday I became turned off.  It was a Friday evening and unless you have a special project most professional men do not have to work on Saturday.  I am aware that some professions require that you work on the weekend but when he revealed his profession it was simply just a job.  Unless there is some special project at work, most professional individuals make a choice to go and work on the weekends.  If he would have said something to the effect that, “I need to go into work to catch up on a few things” then I would have felt that he had more than just a job but a career, immediately I begin to look at him differently.

 I will try to give a little background on the topic and then go into more detail but this time I think I will just jump in and go for it!

I am getting really upset here lately about how people are using their views to be the judge and jury on how certain people should live their life.  Now I am all for independent thinking but only when you have derived an answer from reasonable facts. 

A group of us hang out together; it just so happens that most of us are single and unattached with one person having a child.  It appears that the ladies are constantly being reminded that we are to keep in mind how others can perceive our actions as questionable while the guys in the group are completely removed from their actions being viewed as inappropriate.   

Last night a few of us was at a lounge listening to some live music and partaking in some delicious food and drinks. As customary with us, if you have some friends that you know would like to come and hang out - the more the merrier. One of the guys from the group invited one of his college buddies who was in town on business.  He and a couple of co-workers he invited came along.  A few of them were married while one was single.  

 The recent election has put a spotlight on Black Love. The images of Barack and Michelle Obama together along with their two beautiful children are a welcome sight.  For decades the majority of Black images on television and in other media, were negative in their portrayal of Black relationships. Even during last year’s election, the phrase “Obama’s baby mama” was used to describe Michelle Obama, essentially disrespecting her and simultaneously depicting their relationship as one necessitated only by the presence of children. We all know, by watching their interaction with each other, that their relationship transcends “baby mama drama.” But what is it about Black Love that makes it so special?

That question is partially answered when viewing some of the statistics within the Black community.  While researching this topic I came across an article on the washingtonpost.com that stated the following: